Before we go any further, this is not about MY child (who is NOT a cat), rather it’s in response to at least two situations which have come to my attention. I have no doubt of the veracity of the reports as I know very well the people who told me the particulars about this. My first response upon hearing this was “Oh, you have to be kidding me…”. But, no, they weren’t.
So, what this actually means is that portions of our society have finally become unhinged and fallen into the looney bin.
So here it is…and my apologies to anyone who has a real cat named Fluffy. I would use Sassy or Prissy, but my cats are right here and they objected.
In both cases a…uhmm…child attends school as a cat. Yup, a cat. Now, I own two cats, and I’m doing my best to figure out how they would ever go to school. First of all, you can’t get cats to go in a straight line anywhere, so does this “cat” wander its way to school? Do they stop to visit other cats along the way? Maybe climb a tree here or there.
More importantly, in observing my cats, this “going to school cat” raises a whole bunch of questions.
And this not an exhaustive list of questions, and I invite readers to submit their questions on this burning issue.
Do the owners of this “cat” have a collar, leash, and name tag so “Fluffy” doesn’t wander off and get lost? By the by…they would have to be owners and not parents…right? I don’t even want to think about the whole reproduction and gestation thing with this “cat”.
Has Fluffy been spayed or neutered, because I’m pretty sure you don’t want this Fluffy to reproduce.
Has Fluffy been vaccinated for rabies, parvo virus, and feline leukemia and has the Health Department certified that Fluffy can go to school? I don’t want to get into the whole de-clawed thing. Does Fluffy wear a flea collar or has had an injected flea protection? Has Fluffy gotten a physical from a veterinarian?
Ohhh…the vet thing leads me to a brief aside.
I saw a posting by a woman who was angry at her vet because he wouldn’t treat her “cat”. The vet said he wasn’t licensed to treat human beings. She was incensed, saying her…whatever…IS a cat and therefore could be treated by a vet. Think about that for a second, without getting a headache. Not only is that…her “cat” cannot be covered under her medical plan, and she just lost an income tax deduction.
Now back to Fluffy
I was told that the owners required that Fluffy have a litter box available. All right now. Where is this litter box? Is the litter odor free and clumping? Who cleans this litter box? Custodians have to clean up the occasional vomit; I can’t imagine any custodian saying, “Yup, I’ll clean the litter box”. Does the teacher store a fifty-pound bag of litter in the classroom closet? I would recommend Fresh Step; it’s pretty odor free. I have a cover on our litter box; I really don’t want to watch the cats doing their business.
How does the teacher know Fluffy has to use the litter box? My cats do not raise a paw and make meowing noises which we interpret as “I have to use the litter box”…they just go.
Does Fluffy scratch around in the litter, scratch the sides of the box, and make noises? My cats do.
Cats are crepuscular, being most active at dawn and dusk. Most of the day, one spends dozing in the sun on the window seat; the other curls up in a ball under the bed. Does Fluffy curl up on the desk for a long nap or maybe in a box (we know how cats love boxes) in the corner, possibly during a science lecture on dogs?
At lunch time, is there a food and water dish for Fluffy? Nine out of ten veterinarians recommend Science Diet; it’s particularly good for bones and teeth. For water, I have a motorized fountain, giving the cats a flow of fresh water. School cafeteria food is iffy at best and should never be fed to animals. We all know cats are picky eater; “finicky” was a term especially for cats. Do Fluffy’s owners send in a “brown bag lunch” of maybe sardines or anchovies.
Does Fluffy come to school in a Hallowe’en cat costume? I surely hope there is some “modesty covering”. I look at my cats and I see fur…natural fur…not a costume. I do hope that Fluffy has more than natural fur. And think about the bitter cold weather in the North. That would not be good at all.
Maybe Fluffy goes trick or treating in a human costume.
So, Fluffy attends class. If the teacher asks a question, can Fluffy answer? Does Fluffy raise a paw and meow the answer? How does the teacher know Fluffy got it right? Is there an interpreter who can interpret “MeOw” or “Meeeeoooow”?. And even before that. Have you ever tried to train a cat to do anything. I’ve had my two cats, and I have gotten ONE of them to be on my lap and “sit down and lay down”. Only took ten years.
Physical education class should be easy. We know how agile cats are, but there might be an insurance problem when Fluffy jumps from the top row of the bleachers onto the ceiling beam and back down.
You can teach a dog to shake or sit because they will do about anything to please you? Cats? Not so much; it doesn’t fit their philosophy.
We all know how cats react to sudden, loud noises; imagine a fire drill. “All right class, line up and proceed in an orderly fashion. Has anyone seen Fluffy?” “I think Fluffy is hiding in your trash can, Miss Feldmacher.”
And what about social life at school? That shouldn’t be much of a problem as cats are pretty solitary. Bullying shouldn’t be a concern. After watching one of my cats with our dogs, I’m pretty sure I know who’s in charge. There has been more than one painful yelp after encountering Sassy’s claws, so Fluffy should be just fine.
But, in truth…
What the Hell are those parents thinking? This whole “my child identifies as a cat” thing is beyond sad; it’s pathetic. What damage is being done by those parents? This is something from which these children will never recover. Why has no one called Child Protective Services? This is definitely child abuse. What morons in the school system allow this to happen? Has anyone referred those people to a psychiatrist?
These children are human beings; in no way shape or form are they cats, dogs, parakeets, or aardvarks. Any parent who enables their child to pursue “I identify as…” is somewhere beyond delusional. Such behavior violates every precept of parenthood.
This sort of nonsense has to be opposed; it is so harmful, and logic makes no headway with them. It seems our only hope is they don’t reproduce.